Page 6 of 366.

Title: Page 6 of 366

Date: 06 January 2012

Just could not seemed to spend more time with you again with my schedule packed in both morning and noon. Could not have lunch with you and just could not talk to you about what I wanted in the morning. I had to be responsible for my actions. Im sorry. I dont wish to see you sad, but everytime I just wish I could do something that will make you happy. Ive got the feeling of giving everything up completely, but I guess, its just impossible. Impossible. One simple word. Really.

Day started off with school. Could hardly wake up again. I guess every year will have the same kind of feeling at the beginning. Haix. Dont like it max. Then went school. Packed abit of the Prefects Room and then do duty. But I could not do what I wanted to tell you and such… I felt guilty and everything. I went back to class and I knew I would have regretted everything…. I just wished it would be the good thing. I wish I could turn time back….

Lessons was okay. Have got the EMaths Matrices test and managed to complete in 15 mins. I somehow have got the confidence… And then went to sleep for 15 mins. Then planned for my lunch but had end up have chinese lesson till about 145. Really shit when I could have perhaps left at 1245 and I could have a good break before choir… I just wanted that. I was really tired to the end…. I hate it. I want to go and see you and talk to you. But it seemed so hard… Why? I feel like crying u know? Though its the first time that I managed to have the courage to write it here, I just wish I could tell you all this in you, then I would like, maybe get to feel what you think… Haix… I didnt want it all this way really…
Good thing today is I didnt sleep in class at all… I paid attention and I understood all my AMaths today. For the first time.

After all lessons went choir room put bag then went to have lunch with Gang Yi and Jeff, had cup noodles. Yeah, a super unhealthy meal but really I just didnt have the appetite to eat. Then went back choir. I paid the choir fund of $5 and then they say I never paid. I go put bag already they ask me to pay then I just cant rmb i passed it to who. Cannot is it? I really just forgotten. I very much wanted to cry that time. Im weak yes. Im just too stressed up… I didnt know what to do. Im not in a foul mood but I just wanted to be alone… Till now this moment, I want to cry. I need time alone. Just leave me alone, if you dont wish to care. Its useless for you to try and pretend if you are not going to be serious about it.

Left at 5pm after Ms Ong asked me leave because my parents complained again. I just dont know whats the problem with them. Do they want to destroy everything that Ive done for myself? Blamed SELFISH. Dinner and tuition. Had to rush home. And tuition I was damn tired. I just couldnt do and concentrate on what Im doing at times.

Now Im thinking. If everything Ive done is the right choice. IM REALLY TOO STRESSED UP. NO MATTER HOW TIRED I AM, I WILL STILL JUST LEAVE HOME AND BE ALONE TO MYSELF. I JUST NEED THIS TIME ALONE REALLY. IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CARE, THEN PLEASE REALLY STOP RUBBING SALT INTO MY WOUND. WOULD YOU WANT ME TO TRY THAT ON YOU? AND JUST STOP BEING SELFISH AND RUIN EVERYTHING THAT IVE BUILT FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS. YOU THINK ITS SO EASY? IM TRYING TO COPE. BUT HAVE YOU EVER ASKED IF I WAS HAPPY AND SUCH? HAVE YOU ASKED ME IF IM STRESSED? HAVE YOU ASKED ME IF I HAVE BEEN HAPPY AND EVERYTHING? Just one word, and its a straight NO!~  SO REALLY, LEAVE ME ALONE IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CARE OKAY! AND STOP COMPLAINING. ITS FREAKING IRRITATIING. I HAVE TO HEAR PEOPLE SCOLD WHEN IM AT HOME. IVE TO HEAR PEOPLE SCOLD WHEN IM IN SCHOOL. WHEN IS ALL THIS GOING TO STOP YOU TELL ME? ITS NOT LIKE IVE NEVER PUT IN ANY EFFORT, BUT IVE REALLY TRIED AND DO YOU KNOW ALL THESE THINGS?! NO RIGHT? THEN SHUT THE HELL UP PLEASE. REALLY.

Im not say angry, but im stressed. So if anyone had read this, dont try to ask me why or what happened, unless you are my really good friends and willing to hear. If not, dont bother. I just want YOU or not, just dont bother about me. Its time for me to be alone.